"Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Anything that floats your boat

"Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby NobleSavage » Wed Jul 27, 2016 4:05 pm

Crazy Somervillean chick going from 0 to "needs a restful week at McLean Hospital" in .05 seconds during a cellphone conversation at Stawp 'n Shawp today (Four aisles over, people are looking at each other like "da fuck's wrong with her??"):

"Yeah. I don't know. No. No. Yeah. WHAT did you just say?? WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT KINDA SHIT TO ME?? Do ya think maybe that's why YOU'RE FUCKIN' ALONE ALL THE TIME?? Kevin? Fuckin' KEVIN?? If you think fuckin' KEVIN would even show up at your FUCKIN' FUNERAL, you're FUCKED IN THE HEAD! No, no! I DID NOT START THIS. You started this with your SHIT. Oh, yeah--'Fuck you.' That's your answer to everything. Well, FUCK YOU, TOO! Goodbye! No, goodbye! STOP FUCKIN' TALKING, I'm hangin' up this fucking phone RIGHT NOW!!"
"Either way, if you do touch their junk, don't treat it like you want your own treated. Treat it WAY Better."

--Thunderjaw
User avatar
NobleSavage
Casanova
Casanova
 
Posts: 6907
Joined: Fri May 20, 2005 3:54 pm

Re: "Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby tinfoil » Wed Jul 27, 2016 4:34 pm

Oh, the humanity!
"the closest thing we have to a nice guy is that asshole fred."
-Bruce of Bruce

"Oh, look at me! I have a bowling shirt on!!! I'm in a little toy club!!!"
-Exokan
User avatar
tinfoil
Dream-Crushing Jerk
Dream-Crushing Jerk
 
Posts: 4624
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:05 pm
Location: locked in here with you, locked in here with me

Re: "Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby mace_ace » Wed Jul 27, 2016 4:40 pm

So... did she hang up or not?
"Jesus, I'm high maintenance" - NobleSavage
User avatar
mace_ace
Tacohammer
Tacohammer
 
Posts: 7579
Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2005 9:25 pm
Location: Needham, MA

Re: "Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby NobleSavage » Wed Jul 27, 2016 4:52 pm

Funny thing is, she did hang up.

And then immediately called her Dad, and worked herself into another public, frothy rage while giving him a blow-by-blow account.
"Either way, if you do touch their junk, don't treat it like you want your own treated. Treat it WAY Better."

--Thunderjaw
User avatar
NobleSavage
Casanova
Casanova
 
Posts: 6907
Joined: Fri May 20, 2005 3:54 pm

Re: "Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby tinfoil » Wed Jul 27, 2016 6:07 pm

NobleSavage wrote:... while giving him a blow-by-blow account.

So I go, "Yeah."
and he goes...
And I go, "I don't know."
and he goes...
And I go, "No.
and he goes...
And I go, "No" again.
and he goes...
And I go, "Yeah."
and then he goes...
and so I go, "WHAT did you just say?? WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT KINDA SHIT TO ME??"
and he goes...
and I go, "Do ya think maybe that's why YOU'RE FUCKIN' ALONE ALL THE TIME??"
and he doesn't go anything.
and I go, "Kevin?"
and he still doesn't go anything.
and I go, like, "Fuckin' KEVIN??"
and he goes...
So at this point I'm a little pissed off, you know? So I go, "If you think fuckin' KEVIN would even show up at your FUCKIN' FUNERAL, you're FUCKED IN THE HEAD!"
Well, then he goes...
So I go, "No, no! I DID NOT START THIS. You started this with your SHIT."
and he goes...
and I go, "Oh, yeah--'Fuck you.' That's your answer to everything."
and he goes...
And I go, "Well, FUCK YOU, TOO! Goodbye!"
Well, then he's all like...
But I'm like, "No, goodbye!"
and then he goes...
and I go, "STOP FUCKIN' TALKING"
and he goes...
and I go, "I'm hangin' up this fucking phone RIGHT NOW!!"

I'm just trying to picture it...
"the closest thing we have to a nice guy is that asshole fred."
-Bruce of Bruce

"Oh, look at me! I have a bowling shirt on!!! I'm in a little toy club!!!"
-Exokan
User avatar
tinfoil
Dream-Crushing Jerk
Dream-Crushing Jerk
 
Posts: 4624
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:05 pm
Location: locked in here with you, locked in here with me

Re: "Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby mace_ace » Wed Jul 27, 2016 7:03 pm

Man, I'm glad I asked.
"Jesus, I'm high maintenance" - NobleSavage
User avatar
mace_ace
Tacohammer
Tacohammer
 
Posts: 7579
Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2005 9:25 pm
Location: Needham, MA

Re: "Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby SRM » Thu Jul 28, 2016 10:55 am

Classic Kevin.
User avatar
SRM
Mindless Soul
Mindless Soul
 
Posts: 2292
Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2011 2:31 pm
Location: Somerville, MA

Re: "Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby Brutal Legend » Thu Jul 28, 2016 12:52 pm

When you hear that many "fucks" in a row it sort of loses its punch as the king of swear words. Try and keep your use of the F-word in your conversations to 1-3.
"I was not alone, for foolhardiness was not then mixed with that love of the grotesque and the terrible which has made my career a series of quests for strange horrors in literature and in life." H.P. Lovecraft, "The Lurking Fear" (1923)

Jon
____________________________

http://jonzucchi.blogspot.com/

http://voidwarbfg.blogspot.com/
User avatar
Brutal Legend
Mindless Soul
Mindless Soul
 
Posts: 4424
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2007 3:44 pm
Location: Titan

Re: "Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby mace_ace » Thu Jul 28, 2016 2:36 pm

I'm pretty sure cunt is the king of swear words.
"Jesus, I'm high maintenance" - NobleSavage
User avatar
mace_ace
Tacohammer
Tacohammer
 
Posts: 7579
Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2005 9:25 pm
Location: Needham, MA

Re: "Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby Drool_bucket » Thu Jul 28, 2016 2:49 pm

Would it not be Queen?
TAFK
User avatar
Drool_bucket
Mindless Soul
Mindless Soul
 
Posts: 6497
Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2005 3:35 pm
Location: Arkham, Massachusetts

Re: "Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby Thunderjaw » Thu Jul 28, 2016 8:46 pm

I'm just trying to picture it...


2/10 - would not picture again.
++$ Brad
User avatar
Thunderjaw
Mindless Soul
Mindless Soul
 
Posts: 6270
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 8:35 am
Location: Right here

Re: "Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby NobleSavage » Thu Jul 28, 2016 10:15 pm

I'm pretty sure cunt is the king of swear words.


Yep. Busting out the C-word still rocks pretty much everybody back on their heels.

Even is this age of hyper-vulgarity.
"Either way, if you do touch their junk, don't treat it like you want your own treated. Treat it WAY Better."

--Thunderjaw
User avatar
NobleSavage
Casanova
Casanova
 
Posts: 6907
Joined: Fri May 20, 2005 3:54 pm

Re: "Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby mace_ace » Fri Jul 29, 2016 9:50 am

Drool_bucket wrote:Would it not be Queen?

Don't be such a misogynist you fucking cunt.
"Jesus, I'm high maintenance" - NobleSavage
User avatar
mace_ace
Tacohammer
Tacohammer
 
Posts: 7579
Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2005 9:25 pm
Location: Needham, MA

Re: "Cleanup in Aisle 24. Bring a mop. And restraints."

Postby NobleSavage » Sat Jul 30, 2016 12:52 pm

When you hear that many "fucks" in a row it sort of loses its punch as the king of swear words. Try and keep your use of the F-word in your conversations to 1-3.


Sound diction advice, to be sure. But lost on most Bostonians.

The problem being that as wee baby vulgarians, they learned overuse of "the fuck word" from their parents. And then had it reinforced by their kindergarten and first-grade classmates, who had learned it from their parents.

Here, in a typical sentence uttered by a local, salt-of-the-earth, ninth-grade dropout, we see the amazing variability of roles the word plays in the local vocabulary, and also the end result of the desensitization caused by overuse:

"That fuckin' (adj) mayor-fuck (compound noun). Don't even fuckin' get me started on that fucker (simple noun). Fuuuuck! (interjection) Last time he was fuckin (adv) speakin', fuck, (conjunction) I heard that fuckin' shit, and I says, I says, 'Fuck (verb) that fuckin' mouth noise!' Know what I'm fuckin' sayin', friend? Hey, hand me 'nother two-tree of those fuckin' cold beahs. Nah, nah! The cold ones, way down inna fuckin' ice, ya numb fuck!"
"Either way, if you do touch their junk, don't treat it like you want your own treated. Treat it WAY Better."

--Thunderjaw
User avatar
NobleSavage
Casanova
Casanova
 
Posts: 6907
Joined: Fri May 20, 2005 3:54 pm


Board index Miss Celanie Off Topic


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users

cron